It’s a feeling; an inkling.
You just know.
You know that the decision you are making is the right one, for some as-of-yet unknown reason.
It’s the unknown part that I don’t like. I don’t like to play the “waiting game.”
But once again, this is what I had to do.
Perhaps a little background information would be helpful for this particular situation.
A year ago, I decided to take some classes to finish the degree I started 24 years ago. The college where I work has a grant program that helps employees further their education, and the online school that I chose gave me a discount because I worked for an educational institution. Win-win situation, right? You bet!!
I thought that I could handle 2 classes each quarter and plowed through the homework maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I was pretty proud of myself. Then I hit some quicksand, and realized that I was getting burnt out with all the homework while working full time. There was no time to take off if Rick & I wanted to take a trip somewhere, so the schoolwork had to be brought along. By the 3rd quarter, I decided to drop down to one class, and that brought some relief. It also extended the time it would take to finish my degree. OK, not a problem, I thought. I’m only doing this for me and nobody else. I can take my time.
Also, the grant money that was helping me was getting low, and could not fund my schooling 100%. It still covered a large portion, but I had to put the tuition on my credit card and wait weeks for the check to arrive.
Then I hit the proverbial brick wall. The course room opened up last Friday for the current quarter, and for some reason I was not looking forward to what was ahead. It wasn’t the class itself, because I found it quite interesting and rather easy. But for some reason, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the first assignment.
What happened next brings us to the meat and potatoes of this post: I got anxiety. WHAT? Where the hell did that come from?
For this to happen was a warning, one that said I had to stop and reconsider what I was doing. I needed to reevaluate the decision to take this class. I had to weigh the pros and cons of everything that went into it – time, money, personal reasons – every little aspect that encompassed it (I’m anal that way).
The next morning I emailed my adviser and told him I was taking the quarter off. As soon as I hit the “send” button I expected to feel a huge amount of relief come over me. But it didn’t. I still had doubts about my decision, but I tried not to dwell on them.
So for this past week I have been waiting for that “reason” for my decision, and it arrived last night in the mail in the form of my credit card statement. If I had paid for the class last weekend, it would have maxed out my credit card (I don’t have a very high limit).
This, my friends, would not have been good. I do not like having debt… of any kind. I have been working hard at paying down any charges that I make, so this would have totally paralyzed me financially.
So for the next 12 weeks I have another decision to make, and that is to decide what I do next in regards to my schooling. I’m going to spend a lot of time looking at those pros and cons, really looking at where I am in my life and what is best for me. I’ll also be looking for those “signs” that tell me the decision that I make is the right one.
Remember, there is always a reason why things happen the way they do. You may not know what those are at the time, but eventually you will get the answer if you really want to see it.