The Northwoods of Wisconsin can be very temperamental. Kinda like a woman. Or even a Man. The seasons have moods all their own, and depending on what kind of a year it’s having, you just never know the wrath that it will throw at you.
Take Winter for example. Like its 180 degree counterpart Summer, there are many temperature variations that you go through in the few months that it is around to make it either seem like eternity or not long enough, depending on your perspective and tolerance.
Winter in our part of the state/country/little piece of heaven generally starts in November. While that month technically is still considered in the realm of Fall, once the temperatures reach a certain degree heading south on the thermometer we throw the calendar out the window and judge the season by the weather.
November can be considered “chilly” around these parts. The temps will hover around the 40’s in the daytime and we’ll keep the ol’ woodburner going about 80 percent of the time in a normal year (which there really isn’t any “normal” about it).
December greets us with slightly cooler temps of 20-30 degrees during the day and the nights will start dipping into the teens. The snow will start to accumulate and the winds will start biting your backside. About this time we think “Oh, this is beautiful weather! We’ll have a white Christmas!!”
This is the start of the delusional state that affects us in order to prime our brains for the months ahead.
January brings… numb. The snow is here and with it comes the start of 4-6 weeks of frigid temperatures and ass-biting winds. Oh, and the sun goes on holiday and leaves it’s cousin Grey Skys O’Doom to take over. Delusion has taken control of our bodies and we are nothing but zombies that bundle up in 4 layers of parkas and thermal underwear in order to step outside the house to venture… anywhere.
This is also the month that you will not see anyone smile unless they are fortunate enough to have smuggled some happy pills from their last trip to anywhere warm.
Warm, or course, is some place that has temperatures above 40 degrees.
Then of course February makes it’s arrival. This month can drive a person absolutely insane. First it flirts with the promise of an early Spring from that damn gopher in Pennsylvania only to slap us in the face. Sure, we may have some days that spike into the 40’s but then all hopes are dashed when we are dumped on with 2 feet of snow and bone-chilling temperatures.
And the wind is colder than the Arctic Circle. On a good day.
Let’s usher in March, shall we? March is a bitch. She will lead you into believing that Spring is here, but then change her mind and pimp herself out to Old Man Winter when she starts having hot flashes.
Which brings us to where we are right now, smack dab in the middle of a seasonal hormonal imbalance. The temperatures are in the 30s during the day which feels like a frickin’ heat wave and the night’s in the teens.
Which means it’s time to start tapping trees for Sugarbush so we can stand out in the frozen tundra for 15 hours boiling sap and not feeling our feet and hands to make maple syrup.
I’ll be standing by the fire trying to stay warm.
And dreaming about a tropical beach somewhere.
