Mar 042013

The Northwoods of Wisconsin can be very temperamental.  Kinda like a woman.  Or even a Man.  The seasons have moods all their own, and depending on what kind of a year it’s having, you just never know the wrath that it will throw at you.

Take Winter for example.  Like its 180 degree counterpart Summer, there are many temperature variations that you go through in the few months that it is around to make it either seem like eternity or not long enough, depending on your perspective and tolerance.

Winter in our part of the state/country/little piece of heaven generally starts in November.  While that month technically is still considered in the realm of Fall, once the temperatures reach a certain degree heading south on the thermometer we throw the calendar out the window and judge the season by the weather.

November can be considered “chilly” around these parts.  The temps will hover around the 40’s in the daytime and we’ll keep the ol’ woodburner going about 80 percent of the time in a normal year (which there really isn’t any “normal” about it).

December greets us with slightly cooler temps of 20-30 degrees during the day and the nights will start dipping into the teens.  The snow will start to accumulate and the winds will start biting your backside.  About this time we think “Oh, this is beautiful weather!  We’ll have a white Christmas!!

This is the start of the delusional state that affects us in order to prime our brains for the months ahead.

January brings… numb.  The snow is here and with it comes the start of 4-6 weeks of frigid temperatures and ass-biting winds.  Oh, and the sun goes on holiday and leaves it’s cousin Grey Skys O’Doom to take over.  Delusion has taken control of our bodies and we are nothing but zombies that bundle up in 4 layers of parkas and thermal underwear in order to step outside the house to venture… anywhere.

This is also the month that you will not see anyone smile unless they are fortunate enough to have smuggled some happy pills from their last trip to anywhere warm.

Warm, or course, is some place that has temperatures above 40 degrees.

Then of course February makes it’s arrival.  This month can drive a person absolutely insane.  First it flirts with the promise of an early Spring from that damn gopher in Pennsylvania only to slap us in the face.  Sure, we may have some days that spike into the 40’s but then all hopes are dashed when we are dumped on with 2 feet of snow and bone-chilling temperatures.

And the wind is colder than the Arctic Circle.  On a good day.

Let’s usher in March, shall we?  March is a bitch.  She will lead you into believing that Spring is here, but then change her mind and pimp herself out to Old Man Winter when she starts having hot flashes.

Which brings us to where we are right now, smack dab in the middle of a seasonal hormonal imbalance.  The temperatures are in the 30s during the day which feels like a frickin’ heat wave and the night’s in the teens.


Which means it’s time to start tapping trees for Sugarbush so we can stand out in the frozen tundra for 15 hours boiling sap and not feeling our feet and hands to make maple syrup.

I’ll be standing by the fire trying to stay warm.

And dreaming about a tropical beach somewhere.



  14 Responses to “The State of Delusion”

Comments (14)
  1. March really IS a bitch! I like your analogy saying it’s like a woman going through menopause! 🙂

  2. I calls ’em like I sees ’em 😉

  3. Well I for one prefer the winter. Makes a man outta ya. If I had my choice I would have moved to Northern Alaska 40 years ago. At least I made it this far north. Can you imagine living any farther south? God is punishing the south you know, tornado’s, hurricanes, drought, and tent revival meetings. I can live without the south. At least anywhere farther south in the United States. Lazy bastards they are. I used to go down there when I was younger, drove too….lol, but everytime I would pull into a gas station and people would see my license plates from Minnesota, they would ask me if I wanted a job. You see, southerner’s just ain’t worth the oxygen it takes to sustain them. They don’t have a work ethic, pathetic. My mother always told me that if I don’t have something good to say about someone then don’t say anything at all….sorry Mom. Show me one Southerner that’s worth his shiite, and I will show you a mentally disturbed Northerner who got his directions screwed up. I love the desert when it is green, but how long is that 3, 4 weeks? Then brown……dead for the rest of the year, miserable down there. Ain’t a piece of cake here either but at least we got ‘er figured out. The south never even had a clue.

  4. This from the man who curses at the second snow fall of the year…

    And I’m glad that we got it figured out together 🙂

  5. Love this! So true too, the state of delusion has hit us hard here. I’m so ready for Spring!

  6. Well at least you’ll see Spring earlier than us, and can send some of it our way.

    I’m thinking apple blossoms…

  7. I love California.

  8. ~~I’ve been north and I’m not talkin Minnesota and I’ve been south……which compared to Hayward Wisconsin puts me south..for now…so from a canadian perspective Sandy….that puts you in the middle…….the middle road is always one of “this or that” and at anytime of year or this AND that……I presently I am now surrounded by windmills…hundreds of them and hundreds more coming….I prefer trees and lots of them….for now it appears to me that I am living in a sci-fi movie….wtf…..and on easter weekend I will be further south just the other side of Detroit…in Windsor Ontario…….we always have choices and some are made out of neccesity and others out of joy………neccesity prevails this day and possibly for months to come…..I must do something about that…….for joy seems to be a withered bean…..a road less travelled….with much joy… the delusion for it prevails to keep you on your frozen toes…..let’s find some joy frozen toes, windmills and whatever else seems to carry us through and around the fishbowl of life~~love to you both~~ 🙂

  9. I am just restating what I said before: Meteorologists never get fired for wrong predictions. Poop on them.

  10. There are exemptions in my sanity (?). California is one of them. Love that state.


  11. Job security…

  12. You never stop moving long enough for your toes to freeze 🙂

  13. as the spirit moves me…..will be going to school in Windsor….should my research work get accepted…..

  14. No kidding. Now, if I only liked math…… lol

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