Maybe I’ve Been Watching Too Much “Hoarders”

Oct 222011
 

Today is one of those rare days.

Rare in the sense that I am in cleaning mode.  Not full-blown “I’m attacking this whole house until it sparkles” mode, just a small area that has needed a little TLC for quite some time.

This area is my desk.  If you have ever been to my house, you know that my desk is the size of a small country and weighs several tons because it is made of solid wood.  Not wood by-products, SOLID WOOD.

Ask Rick, he’ll tell ya (he’s had to move it enough times).  Sorry honey… love ya.

So far I’ve managed to tackle the area underneath the desk, and have thrown out 2,539,871 old CD’s, countless jewel cases, empty boxes (WTF was I saving them for?), and telephone books that date back to the Stone Age.

The scariest part was encountering what was behind all that junk.

These suckers were attached to everything!

And they put up quite a fight when they found out they were being evicted.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid that I’ve only touched the surface when it comes to these dangerous critters.  With the cooler temperatures, and the lack of air movement from open doors/windows, they will be able to start all over in another area of the house.

Since the woodburner is back on duty after it’s vacation, there is no shortage of dry air for them to feed off of.

So the next time you come to visit and see a couple dust-webs, don’t think me a bad housekeeper.  Just grab a duster and help me keep the dust bunnies under control.

 

It’s a Yellow Day

Oct 202011
 

Because it’s Thursday and my creative wit has flown the coop, I present to you the color yellow.

1. When the brown days of fall move closer to the winter months, a yellow maple leaf can certainly be a cheerful sight.  It’s bright!  It’s sunny!  You can press it and pull it out anytime you need a pick-me-up.

Next year I am plastering the inside of my house with them.  That will certainly take care of the winter blahs.

2. I don’t look good in yellow.  I’m pale because of my European heritage, so it makes me look anemic.

3. I was forced to wear a yellow T-shirt for a golf tournament one year.  Apparently my friend thought it would be a “sunny” color.  I shot her the stink-eye all day.  She bought me a beer.  I let her live.

4. Yellow is not a good color on snow.  It is a pee-mail that translates to “Rover was here, pizza at his house at 9.”

5. Yellow popsicle’s taste like bananas, which are also yellow.  Thank goodness, because if they tasted like zucchini, that would be a marketing nightmare.

Have yourself a wonderful Yellow Day.

And please, don’t disturb the yellow snow.

It might be an important message.

You Realize This Means War

Oct 182011
 

I was so happy to see the box yesterday.

Opening it, carefully setting all the contents on the table.  I admired it’s shiny finish.

It didn’t hold as much as I’m used to, but it would be worth it, I hoped.

I carefully hung it up, hoping that it’s contents would be enjoyed by those that truly deserved it.

Alas, darkness was approaching, so I would have to wait until the next day to admire the many feathered guests that would visit.

Arriving home from work today, I expectantly looked up at the tree… and saw nothing.

The Squirrel Buster was gone.  W T F!

There it lay, on the ground, it’s contents scavenged by invaders.

How the hell did they get that thing off the hook?

Clearly, I am dealing with a whole new gang in the neighborhood.

And they are not playing nice.

The Tables Will Soon Be Turned

Oct 152011
 

I hear the rustling in the leaves.

They’ve been waiting all summer for this moment.

How many are out there?

How long will it take them to eat me out of house and home?  Will they be as hungry as last year, draining the reserves in full force?

From what I’ve seen in the last week, I’ve got a new war on my hands.

They are attacking in full force, a new bravado gained from months of planning.  I see their headquarters in the tree across the road.  They’ve been scheming since April.  Watching and waiting.

And finally when the time came, they didn’t hold back.

They quickly emptied the first unit.  It seemed to happen overnight.  The second victim was striped from its mooring, helplessly dragged away and plundered.  The third vessel is slowly draining, a constant barrage of looters attacking from all sides.

Don’t let this innocent face fool you.  Behind those glaze black eyes is a mastermind of cunning and ruthless desires.

But I have a tool at my disposal that they don’t:  The Internet.  And with this tool I have found what I hope will be the end to their endless attacks on my birdfeeders.

Behold the Squirrel Buster.  This little dandy is promoted as THE squirrel-proof birdfeeder.  The cadillac of units, intended to foil the most ingenious of squirrelkind.

It is supposed to arrive Monday.

So pack your bags, my furry foes, your days of dining at this buffet are coming to an end.

 

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