The deity that lives beyond the clouds and past the sun, who placed me in this lifetime, has given me many wonderful attributes.
I’ve also been blessed with some oddities also.
Some have been a thorn in my side that I’ve either just learned to accept, while others keep making their presence know every so often, granting them PITA status in my life.
One that has plagued me for the better part of the last 40 years are a couple of these little piggies. The largest ones on each foot to be precise.
I’ve always had “ugly” toes, ones that if you doll up with pretty paint and fasten glittery shoes to only highlight their less-than-glamorous persona. Good thing I’m a low-maintenance type of gal and don’t give two flips about that king of stuff.
But what I do care about is being pain free, and those little oinkers weren’t making it easy by constantly growing their nails “into” my toes instead of out like they were supposed to. And apparently that wasn’t good enough for them so they started curling inward while increasing the thickness of their body.
It really was quite gross. And painful. And I finally decided to do something about it.
Enter into the picture the most fabulous podiatrist in the world. After I explained to him the suffering I’d endured for all these years (along with the personal non-surgical procedures I’ve had to preform on those little lovelies to keep them in line) I was offered several options, of which I took the second-to-the-last extreme.
Yep, took them puppies right off (The nails, not the toes. Thought I should clarify for those of you throwing your hands to your mouths and gasping). Well, that was after he shot me up with a ton of numbing stuff which promptly wore off as I was pulling into the driveway an hour later.
I’ll spare you the “after” photo.
Worst-case scenario is that they’ll grow back just like they were before and I’ll be faced with the most extreme choice of surgery (which is a little gory and I won’t give you all the details). There is no best-case scenario because that’s the way my toes are I’ll likely have to face this again.
So for now, I think I’ll just buy some bright red nail polish and paint the rest of my toes to match and maybe nobody will notice the difference.